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littlebluedog
littlebluedog
Tim
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 12:59 pm
an exercise in futility and faulty logic

I don't know why I spend my lunch break doing stuff like this, but for some reason I feel satisfied. I'm sure it'll be a fleeting sensation.

December 4, 2008

T-Mobile
ATTN: Ryan Butz, Director
PO Box 4784
Seattle WA 98194-0784

Dear Mr. Butz:

Recently I received a promotional letter expressing appreciation for being a T-Mobile customer, and offering a Samsung t229 phone valued at $89.99 as a service upgrade. The postscript indicates that the upgrade offer ends on November 30, 2008.

I received the letter on December 1, 2008. Also, I canceled my T-Mobile service approximately two months ago.

Prior to canceling, I e-mailed T-Mobile customer service and advised of my plan to cancel, but also indicated that after several years of T-Mobile service, I would be willing to consider remaining a customer, depending on the upgrade packages available. I specifically requested to be contacted with information regarding upgrade packages. After two weeks, I received a short response asking what T-Mobile could do to retain me as a customer. I responded by repeated my request. After another two weeks, another representative responded with one available upgrade promotion. However, by that point, I’d already purchased an iPhone 3G and started service with AT&T/Cingular. As such, I wasn’t impressed by the offer.

After a couple of weeks of AT&T/Cingular service, I decided to port my number from my T-Mobile account. The T-Mobile call representative assisting me mentioned that I might be eligible for a “win-back” promotion, but advised that a representative from a different department would have to call me separately for that, if I was interested. I indicated that I would be interested, but I was never contacted.

Your December 1 letter is probably the third such promotional letter I’ve received in the past two months, but I’ve largely ignored them because they don’t refer to my communications with T-Mobile, acknowledge the fact that I am no longer a customer, and likely offer the lowest-level upgrade promo possible.

I had been a T-Mobile customer for at least four years. I don’t think I ever missed a bill, or complained about service. However, the clumsiness with which T-Mobile has shown me how “valuable” I am to the company is a little insulting if it is expected to woo me back.

If I truly am an appreciated T-Mobile customer, here is what T-Mobile can do to demonstrate this:
  1. Give me a phone that is equivalent or superior to the one I recently purchased, for free. I believe this would be a G1 (preferred) or a Wing.

  2. Advance the amount of AT&T/Cingular's early termination fee. This is $175.

  3. Either advance the amount of AT&T/Cingular's activation fee, or waive any T-Mobile activation fees up to the cost of this amount. Also, waive any additional new-service or interrupted-service fees.

  4. Offer me a rate plan that is consistent with, in terms of included usage (i.e., should be no less than) and price (i.e., should be no more than), my AT&T/Cingular service plan, and arrange the two-year agreement to have begun on the day I canceled my T-Mobile service.
These four steps would put me in a similar position with T-Mobile as I am now with AT&T/Cingular had I not canceled my service, i.e., with a new handset and be two months into a new two-year service agreement with no additional out-of-pocket expense.

However, to entice me to drop AT&T/Cingular and return to T-Mobile, there would have to be an additional incentive beyond putting me in a similar position with you as a provider. An incentive is designed to place someone in a better position than he or she would have been in due to the change, and because of T-Mobile’s carelessness in demonstrating my value as a long-time customer.

I would like this incentive to be cash, in the amount of my total expenses incurred in becoming an AT&T/Cingular customer. This would be the price of my iPhone 3G (16GB), two months’ worth of service/usage fees, and start-up fees.

Please contact me further only if you agree to the terms set forth above, and I would be happy to calculate the correct amount of my incentive package, as well as provide copies of AT&T/Cingular statements and documentation so that you can verify.

If you do not agree to my terms, please remove me from your mailing lists. I am not interested in being advised of future offers.

Best regards,

LBD

Meh. Who knows, maybe I'll have a G1 to give as a Christmas gift in a week or so.

18CommentReplyShare

thatsassylassie
thatsassylassie
thatsassylassie
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:18 pm (UTC)

That G1 is such the white elephant gift. ;)

Its because you do crazy shite like this that I love you.


ReplyThread
phasmaphobic
phasmaphobic
The Sniper in Drag
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:26 pm (UTC)

The G1 is a pretty nifty device, actually.


ReplyThread Parent
thatsassylassie
thatsassylassie
thatsassylassie
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:54 pm (UTC)

I've played with his plenty enough to understand its capabilities. I just will never be that much of a gadget whore to need a device that overlaps with a bunch of other devices I already have. And that costs me a bunch more for monthly service.


ReplyThread Parent
littlebluedog
littlebluedog
Tim
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 10:27 pm (UTC)

<3<3<3

Hey, my Dad doesn't have a cell yet. Hmm.


ReplyThread Parent
wuweibaby
wuweibaby
touching now
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC)

oh! you got the 16gig, nice. I got the 8


ReplyThread
littlebluedog
littlebluedog
Tim
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)

I saw your post that you got one! How do you like it?


ReplyThread Parent
wuweibaby
wuweibaby
touching now
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:33 pm (UTC)

I am sucked in, as expected :D


ReplyThread Parent
polarbear
polarbear
No Time For Love, Dr. Jones
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)

And you love it, don't you? :D


ReplyThread Parent
wuweibaby
wuweibaby
touching now
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)

I'm still learning stuff, but how can I not be infatuated?


ReplyThread Parent
polarbear
polarbear
No Time For Love, Dr. Jones
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:29 pm (UTC)

Only a lawyer would write such a letter. ;)


ReplyThread
littlebluedog
littlebluedog
Tim
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 10:20 pm (UTC)

Oh believe me, being a lawyer has nothing to do with it.


ReplyThread Parent
meisterdorf
still plays with trains
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:37 pm (UTC)

good luck with that.


ReplyThread
littlebluedog
littlebluedog
Tim
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 09:43 pm (UTC)

;) No harm in trying, I guess.


ReplyThread Parent
virgoqueen7
virgoqueen7
How Can Be?
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 10:16 pm (UTC)

Do NOT mess with the LBD T-Mobile!!!!!!


ReplyThread
littlebluedog
littlebluedog
Tim
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 10:19 pm (UTC)

That's right! Or I'll BLOG about it! I command a readership of dozens!


ReplyThread Parent
virgoqueen7
virgoqueen7
How Can Be?
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 10:22 pm (UTC)

HAHAHA. Remind me NEVER to cross you! :)


ReplyThread Parent
luvsammy
luvsammy
Samalamity
Thursday, December 4th, 2008 11:21 pm (UTC)

This is EXACTLY the kind of thing that I am much too lazy to do, but that I LOVE to see other people do. Good job! They best not be contacting you anymore! Hmph. Or, even better, I guess...taking you up on your proposal.


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Friday, December 5th, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)

Sales and Marketing people absolutely HATE customers that can do math.

PAgent


ReplyThread