Tim (littlebluedog) wrote,
Tim
littlebluedog

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dangerous

At the bookstore last night, The Hang was looking through her celebrity magazines, and I grabbed a couple of home improvement books. Originally I was just browsing to see if the thing could tell me how to stop my upstairs bathroom hot water faucet from rattling the pipes when I turn it on, but then I found a chapter on walls and flooring.

I've got these beautiful fir hardwood floors in my house, and I'm pretty sure they're the ones that were originally laid in there a century ago (no kidding!) when my house was built. They may have been resurfaced once or twice, but they are in good shape except they squeak and gap. Since I have no subfloor, you can see if there's a light on in the basement by looking at the floor in the living room.

The problem with these books, of course, is that they make everything look so easy. There's the little cartoon homeowner, with a hopeful and determined look on his face, and wearing all kinds of safety equipment (seriously, in every project, safety glasses and leather gloves at a minimum, even to change a light bulb).

Sometimes he's got a helper (for safety), sometimes he's a she, sometimes his racial characteristics change, but he is a damned skilled little cartoon dude, tearing out walls, replacing roofs, installing entire air conditioning systems, adding extra floors, all without:
- breaking a sweat
- changing his expression
- swearing
- taking a beer break
- making a mess
- driving to the hospital
- calling a professional to fix something he broke
- etc.

So anyway, now I've got it in my head that I need a subfloor, and that I can install it myself. What could be easier? Tearing up all of my ancient floor boards intact, sanding their edges to get rid of old gap-putty, pulling out the trim, installing subfloor boards, reinstalling my floor boards, and finishing up with a nice resurface treatment. 6 easy steps, each illustrated to fit inside of a little square box on a page in a home improvement book, performed by a capable illustrated version of me, complete with cheerful-yet-serious expression, safety glasses, and leather gloves (at a minimum).

I'll need a saw, I guess. Maybe a tape measure. Who wants to be my helper?
Tags: house
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