Tim (littlebluedog) wrote,
Tim
littlebluedog

  • Mood:

rubicon

It takes a lot for me to knowingly commit myself to something absolutely: a person, an idea, a creed, a faith. Maybe it's my nature, or maybe it's something learned, I don't know.

On the other hand, often I am triggered by random stimuli to realize that I've made up my mind about a lot of things without consciously realizing it. One example is whenever someone I don't know asks me for money or help, I assume they're trying to scam me. This one might be realistic or practical, but it's also pretty sobering.

When I catch these, I try to challenge whatever conclusion I've made, mainly because I don't want to feel myself settling into my ways. I don't want to have rules, per se. I want to be able to put my eggs in different baskets. I fear that if I don't do this, I'll unknowingly close myself to considering possibilities. It's a defense against stagnating.

My sense of caution about irrevocably committing myself to something like a rule, or an idea, is so strong that I sometimes feel a sense of anxiety when I see other people doing it.

But interestingly, this feeling is sometimes offset by a feeling of envy. There's a freedom to accepting something completely; of surrender.

I wonder if that freedom is worth it. I also wonder if that sense of freedom functions to prevent someone who has crossed that particular rubicon from thinking about retreating from it.





Whoa. OK, deep thought moment over. :)
Tags: deep thoughts
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