November 7th, 2007

heart

a slight twist

Reasons I SO WISH THAT Selected Relationships Have Failed, in Autobiographical Order, From Fifth Grade to Present:
  • She got fired from the grade school I attended.

  • She got mad because so many other girls passed me notes during class.

  • The princess was in another castle.

  • She and the rest of the cheerleading team (who I dated at the same time) turned out to be a bunch of catty biotches and I dumped them all at Homecoming while everyone cheered and the sexy librarian blew me a kiss.

  • She became a lesbian. (Wait, that actually DID happen. Twice.)

  • She and the rest of her all-girl motorcycle club (who I dated at the same time) died in a fiery crash into the Grand Canyon.

  • She realized that requiring me to exclusively date her during college would prevent me from participating in sexual experimentation with a wide spectrum of nubile coeds.

  • She went insane from how awesome I was in bed.

  • She became a lesbian. (See above.)

  • My awesomeness inspired her to believe in God so vehemently that she became a nun.

  • She maturely and respectfully identified and came to terms with the fact that she and I had different and irreconcilable goals in life, which would unfortunately but inevitably prevent us from sharing our lives together. We parted on awesome terms after having the most incredible sex of my life.
via the awesome jef182,
and with apologies to Scott Downes, who probably didn't expect this would become a meme in the first place.